Fear of Death ?

I have been particularly blessed by God since my mother of blessed memory asked St. George in her heavy pregnancy to intercede for her well-being and made a vow to call her son "George". After the doctor pulled out the baby from my mother's womb, my dad wanted to name him "Shaker"after his own dad. My mother could not do anything. However, the assistant doctor saw her womb slightly big, so he advised the main doctor to reopen the womb - Here they found me in a little corner and immediately pulled me out. The response of heaven has now begun. As per my mother's vow, I was called "George."  Baptized with my twin by the giant Jesuit priest Henri Ayrout in Minia, Egypt, my little imagination started to grow.  At the age of 6, I  started imitating the priest in the Mass at home. My grandmother, mother of my dad, sew a little garment to wear when I carried out this acting and my twin followed me. I also heard "fake" confessions of my 3 brothers. When we moved to Cairo in 1962, we used to attend Mass at St. Cyril's Melkite Catholic parish. For years the pastor was Fr. Nicholas Kanakri - We served the Divine Liturgy as candle-carriers who go in the processions before the deacon and the priest. In 1969, the Lebanese scholar Fr. Ignace Sarkis Naggar became the pastor. By then, I had started to read most of my dad's spiritual magazines in Arabic .These included 'Al-Macarrat' published by the Paulist printer in Lebanon, and 'Al-Resalla-Al-Mokhalissia' by the Basilians. 

In 1982, my aunt Victoria and her husband Georges Medawar sponsored my wife and me upon my request to immigrate to Canada. 

Back to Cairo: In 1972, I was invited to attend a meeting of young adults in the Melkite Catholic Patriarchate. I quickly got involved in spiritual activities as the youth published a little newsletter called "The Encounter" in Arabic. In 1973, the late saintly Bishop Paul Antaki chose me to represent the Melkite Catholic patriarchate in meetings with leaders of the Apostolic organizations such as the Christian Youth Workers as he was charged by the College of Catholic Patriarchs and Bishops in Egypt to develop these organizations. In 1978, he elected me the first leader of the "Supreme Council of the Youth" in Egypt's Greek Melkite Catholic Church. There I developed close relationships with many talented young adults in the parishes of the Melkite Catholic Church in Cairo. In 1978, I addressed the late Patriarch Maximus V in the name of some 300 Melkite Catholic Youths in Egypt. Again in 1979, I addressed the same late Patriarch in the same Patriarchal hall and, this time, I mentioned some of the directives given by the Second Vatican Council on the importance of the participation of laypersons in the active mission of the Church. I also resigned my role in the "Supreme Council of the Youth" as I found many other talents of the youths that are capable of leading them. I was also dating my future wife, the only one that I ever dated. Once was enough for a relationship with a woman. 

Immigration to Canada did not deter us from participating in Christian life. As we raised our children, we attended a few meetings of Opus Dei (a Personal Prelature of Pope Saint John Paul II) and a few highly-attended conferences of the Catholic Charismatic Renewal Ministries such as Ralph Martin and his collaborators such as Sr. Ann Shields.

In 1996, Fr. Dr. Georges Farah (who is armed with a doctorate in theology and another in philosophy from the renowned Sorbonne University in Paris) started his lectures at Jesus the King Melkite Catholic Church, north of Toronto. His lectures lasted until his retirement around 2013. Under his directions, I gave lectures to young adults and adults from 2004 to 2011. I also gave a couple of lectures with participation of Fr. Ibrahim El-Haddad – He has a Master’s degree in Church history from Rome. From my graduate studies started in 2009, I earned a Master’s degree by 2010 in Information Systems from the University of Phoenix in the United States that is recognized by the University of Notre Dame (and, according to a supervisor at the time, by Harvard University).

In 2009/2010 I assisted Fr. Dr. Daniel Callam in the RCIA program at Holy Rosary parish in Toronto and developed a personal spiritual relationship with him since then.  

In the Gospel and the acts of Jesus Christ there is much forgiveness. In fact, Christians believe that by his death on the cross, Jesus opened the doors of heaven to his followers. To be precise, Christ gave committed and repentant people the possibility of having eternal joy with God, his immaculate mother, angels and saints in heaven. In that vein, I hope that the late Bishop Paul Antaki who was a great friend that sacrificed his health in his old age climbing stairs only to reach out to his fellow Christians being a very humble person, intercedes for his beloved (see here, here and here). Everyone must repent before he dies in this world. That is my understanding. However Jesus frequently warns his followers of the consequences to their thoughts and acts if they are not charitable (e.g. Matthew 5:22). He calls them to be perfect as their heavenly Father is perfect (Matthew 5: 48)...But who can be "perfect"? Again, Jesus warns his followers to not fear those who  kill the body but cannot kill the soul, "rather be afraid of the one who after killing has the power to cast into Gehenna" (hell?) (Luke 12: 5; Matthew 10: 28).

Yes, many relatives and people whom we know died - We pray to the merciful God that his profound mercy and love, for every one he created in his image and likeness (Genesis 1: 26), may grant them eternal life...

Ordinary people like me do not want to die; This is why I pray every night that God in his mercy and care may grant me and my family more life and that, in his profound mercy, he may heal the sick. It is true that God has really given me much more life than great doctors thought. See my post "A Living Miracle" in which I thank God here; and the recent ones too here and here. I particularly thank God for the care given to me by Professor Dr. Michael Sole my cardiologist since 1986 who retired a few years ago; Dr. Michael Vecchio, my physician who is also a missionary Christian; Dr. Ryan at Toronto General Hospital (TGH) who followed me up since my hospitalization at TGH last August and on January 10, 2018 ordered the BiPap machine for my peaceful sleep; and Professor Dr. Antonio Rocca, my new cardiologist who did an echocardiogram for my heart and examined me on May 29, 2018.

In my spiritual quest I cannot fail to thank my confessors: Fr. Dr. Daniel Callam who continues to lecture at St.Thomas University; and Msgr. Dr. Robert Nusca (a well-known Biblical scholar and Professor at the Toronto School of Theology, the Augustinian Seminary associated with the University of Toronto) who is the Pastor at Holy Rosary Roman Catholic parish near our home in Toronto where we attend Mass on Sunday. 
Since last August, after having been hospitalized,  I had the great chance of a dialogue with two Jesuit scholars: Fr. Henri Boulad and Fr. Samir Khalil Samir who both were professors, lectured and gave seminars/talks at universities/high institutes of theology in a number of countries notably the United States, France, Canada, Italy, and Egypt. The correspondence at the time was generated by my questions raised in my post here. There I raised my doubts that God may send me to hell. In their replies, Fr. Boulad wrote: Please George, forget about hell and think only in God’s infinite love and mercy - Trust and confidence! Fr. Samir wrote: It is true that God does not send any one to hell. God loves everyone whom he created and never wants them to be separated from him. Due to his love, God respects the choice of everyone. He quoted  Pope Saint John Paul II in what he wrote on July 28, 1999: “Damnation cannot be attributed to the initiative of God because in his merciful love, he does not will other than the salvation of beings that he created. In reality, it is the creature that closes itself to his love.”    The reply given by each of them was reassuring… 
As I approach the age of a senior citizen (65) with my health issues, I need much prayers from everyone who cares about me. As Fr. Boulad, in his delicate health, is recovering from a surgery regarding an obstruction in the intestines, we need to pray for him too. I do pray for him.