At
Jesus the King Church, this past Friday I led a discussion with more than 30
adults both young and older about love of couples and marriage today. The
discussion was inspired by an interview/Web-chat on TVO’s The Agenda which can be
seen here:
I
wish to thank all participants who provided insights into their own experience
on this morally important topic. We started the session with a reading from
Genesis 2: 18-24 that reminded us of the reason a woman fulfills man’s desire
for joy and life, and he too is her joy; for the woman complements man; their
love to each other in marriage transcends the ups and downs of emotions and
commits them together for a lifetime. “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to
his wife, and the two of them become one body.” (Gen. 2: 24). We also ended the session with a hymn sung
by Ivan and played by Sonia.
The Discussion
It
is impossible to summarise every thought. I will give below some examples.
A
bright single young man revealed how women, both single and married, chase him
in the office through suggestive text messages in order to kiss him or make
love with him. He explained that this kind of temptation is available in North
America and Europe, and, we are sure, in the Middle East too. TV and the Internet
are used to promote individual instant pleasure in some of their channels. Schools
are sometimes too liberal for Christians. In a way, this reflects a trend in Western
society where observance of strict sexual moral values has declined since the
sexual revolution of the 1960s.
When
asked what criteria she has in mind for selecting a suitable partner for life,
a single young woman said she looks for a smart and caring man who is well
cultured and probably of the same culture. Did a prospective spouse have to be
rich? Most single persons said ”no.” I asked individuals of a group of recently
married couples “What was the most important characteristic that made you
choose your spouse?” One said “Her balanced personality” but did not deny that
she looked pretty to him. A female spouse said “What matters is love and harmony.
We help each other as much as we can” Other married couples echoed the
importance of the good/wise personality.
When
I asked a married lady whether she would leave her husband if she found her
soul mate, her answer was no. Yet, without suspecting any lady or man in the
meeting, I am aware of cases where the husband cheated on his wife and left her
with their kids to live with another woman. The negative impact of separation of spouses on
children is enormous, said a married lady echoing recent studies that show how
children of divorced parents become more prone to mistrust the other and divorce
their spouses.
Older
people in the meeting gave advice to the younger ones. One lady said her
children introduced to her the girls they were planning to marry because in
marriage a harmony between the families of both sides helps marriage. In the expensive
life we live, both husband and wife usually have to work until retirement. During
their work hours, they entrust their little kids to the grandparents where they
are nourished and taught the basic Christian behaviour and manners.
As
a husband for 30 years I spoke about my own experience. It is true that my wife
and I have made sacrifices, for example not having a car for the first 9 years in
Toronto, yet were able to give our kids the best education in moral and
academic excellence in spite of my health condition. My wife has always
supported me in the good and hard times and in all times when I was
hospitalized. What happened with us is in
my opinion a blessing from God. As in any marriage, ups and downs in emotions
are a fact of life but what matters is commitment and faithfulness beyond solely
emotional or sensual attractions. To my young ones I say love is larger than infatuation
although it may start with it. Marriage is for life! I will have to write more
about it in another time.
Near
the end, I asked Fr. Youhanna Hanna to give us a word since he is also a
parent. It is amazing how the Lord called him to be father of a family and also
of the community. Fr. Youhanna spoke about his experience and God in the middle
of the love experience. After all, it is true love that comes from God that
really matters. I will have to ask him to send a little word of what he said.
A married couple who are married for 13 years participated in the discussion. When the wife was asked how she feels about her faithful husband, she said jokingly "He is not bad!"
ReplyDeleteGeorge Farahat