The Family - Part 3 - Sexuality

Sexuality is a gift from God. According to the teachings of most religions, marriage is the framework that this gift is used and made fruitful. In Christian moral teaching, marriage reflects love of Christ to His spouse the Church. The Church as spouse loves Him who loved her first and made her holy by the shedding of His own blood. If the power of hell cannot overcome the Church, it is because Christ is with her till the end. If we think of the power of Christ against the power of hell, then we can be invited to plunge ourselves into the deeper water of eternal love. In the marital intimate act of intercourse, the husband gives himself to his wife, and she receives his love and gives herself in love to him. This power of sacrificial love binds them by the fruit of the intimate act, the child they procreate in participation with God. But why does the Church restrict the intimate act of intercourse to marriage? Why does the Church consider pre-marital sexual activity and extra-marital sexual activity to be acts of mortal sin? This is the question that liberal young adults ask themselves especially in such free cultures as Europe and North America. On one hand, we need to understand that young and older adults alike are exposed to a materialist culture of instant pleasure, a web of media attractions that makes the temptation of falling into sexual promiscuity readily available, an economic hardship in a fast-paced and often stressful job market, and an individualist mentality promoting the individual human rights as opposed to the rights of society/community. In such stressful situation, it is expected that many may fall for the temptation of premarital/extra-marital sexual acts. On the other hand, if the parents (us?) were such a good model, the young ones would imitate them. Parents need to communicate with their children since they are born. In fact, communication with the fetus in the womb is beneficial according to medical research. If parents, parish and school teach their young ones how to live faithfully to their moral values, the young ones would be influenced by them. For we have to look at the root before we judge the fruit. The model for us is Christ himself.

But more than that let's consider the following points:

1. According to recent neuroscientific research in 2006, humans are naturally endowed with a brain hormone called "Oxytocin" to help them bond and open their hearts for love. Not only it contributes to bonding between male and female, but also to bonding between mother and infant. Oxytocin contributes to increase in social collaboration and trust. Another hormone found in human brains is Vasopressin which can contribute to pair bonding thus encouraging monogomous lasting bonding between male and female. Love starts really at the natural level. We do not need to invent it. This tells us that humans are inherently created good and open to love without having to resort to Biblical sources or early tradition.

2. If humans are created good and open to love, then they will ideally propagate love to their offsprings and in their social environment, but without discounting the effects of genetic differentiation, rivalry and selfishness. Research in anthropology has shown that rivalry is mimetic or imitative. According to Rene Girard, if I admire another man and know that he loves the woman I love, his desire for this woman will be stronger because of me and he will become my rival. This probably explains why men fight each other and become violent over time. But the same imitative power is also found in imitating the good parents, leaders and saints who sacrifice themselves out of love for the sake of the other.

3. Just as much as sexual energy is powerful, self-control proves to be more powerful. This is the dictum of True Love Waits, a movement in America that seeks to encourage teenagers and young adults to commit sexual love to the bond of marriage alone (see http://www.lifeway/tlw) Self-control propagates through the formation of like-minded community of single young adults and helping them overcome the difficulties they face. In the Christian tradition, the formation of community is the responsibility of pastors, teachers, and the entire people of God. Giving them responsibilities within the parish is one way to make them feel they are part of the community.

4. If we want to extend ourselves through offsprings, there is one natural way: mating. But mating with multiple persons of the other gender not only breaks the exclusive natural bonding found by neuroscience, but also introduces the highly probable infections with transmitted sexual diseases which in turn affect the health of generations to come.

5. The idea of living by myself is scarecely possible. Humans have brains that help them organize themselves into families of man and woman in a natural way. This idea is psychologically applied to all cultures at all times regardless of religion and creed. That I can live by myself contradicts my drive for security, for I am insecure as long as I remain alone. In an urban society of individuals, who will take care of me when my parents have died and I am left alone, unless my spouse is there for me? This is why commitment to each other all life is required of both spouses in the marriage Mass or ceremony. This is why a good spouse is in pain when he/she loses the other. This is also why divorce is wrong.

6. In Christianity alone, and here is where I wish to draw more attention, the power of God is not His mighty deeds, His wisdom, or his eternal glory but His love. His love is what constitutes the Holy Trinity in One God. His love is what prompted Him to create the world and redeem it when sin entered the world. If love is recognized by theists and atheists alike to be the supreme moral value, then Christianity in the teaching and life of her founder is the answer to darkness. It is this love that precedes any sexual act. The definition of love is not pleasure but sacrifice for the other (my spouse) who is not an object of pleasure in the way passionate Hollywood pictures it. Love contains passion and emotion yet it transcends it. It contains commitment yet it transcends it - for love is the other. Nothing less.

Based on the above points combined, it is objectively evident why the Church considers premarital and extra-marital sexual activity to be wrong. The Church does not judge the sinner, yet she judges sin and encourages her children to avoid falling in it especially through prayers and fasting. In all things we need God's help for He said "Without me you can do nothing." Indeed He works through us.

The Family - Part 2 - Marriage

In the animal kingdom, the family is the result of mating between males and females of the same species. Humans are "developed animals." In the very beginning of human history, the male mated with the female (Adam and Eve) and the result was a number of children. To survive, the male hunted for the prey to eat with his woman and children while the woman took care of raising their kids. Where there was fertile land for agriculture, human tribes settled. This is the example of the ancient Egyptian civilization around the Nile. In other areas where there was rain, tribes settled too. Mesopotamian civilization, for example, was built around the idea of conquering tribes in the fertile lands of Syria and Palestine. The role of man in the family developed so that he became a farmer rather than a hunter. Women were considered objects that belonged to their men in the same way as cattles belonged to men. Boys were considered a blessing because the more boys a man had the more helpers to him they would be. Boys would become men that defend the tribe and extend the family in the next generations thus making man eternal. Women of conquered tribes were often raped and taken slaves by the conquerors. So much was the dignity of women thrown away that a man could take many wives just to bear him children and care for them. This is a very sketchy picture but the idea still remains true in underdeveloped cultures today. In traditional Islamic Sharia for instance, a man can take up to four wives at the same time. This is the case in many Islamic cultures to-date. Moreover, a man in Islamic cultures can divorce his wife and marry another one. Jewish tradition too tells us in the Bible that many Jewish men married more than one woman from Abraham himself on to his offspring. Solomon is known to have had many wives under the influence of pagan cultures surrounding Israel. Divorce was allowed in the Mosaic Law down to the time of Christ 1200 years later. This is natural since a man can impregnate hundreds of women in one year but a woman can be impregnated by only one man in the same period. However, only Christ reinstated marriage to its original form: One woman for one man exclusively. A man may not divorce his wife neither can a wife divorce her husband. Their marriage is permanent till death separates them. For 20 centuries the Catholic Church has enshrined this moral doctrine in its Canon Laws. In 16th century England, Sir Thomas More, now a saint, paid the ultimate price for he refused to acknowledge King Henry VIII's remarriage and was therefore taken to martyrdom - A man for all seasons. But let's take a deeper look: What is the purpose of marriage? The Ecumenical Second Vatican Council declared that marriage between a man and a woman is for more than mere reproduction. It is a participation in the procreative act of God who wills that humans be conceived and born into life. The act of sexual intercourse that brings about human life is sacred - It must be open to life (as Pope Paul VI states in Humanae Vitae). It is also an act constituted in love which is the supreme gift of God. No human power can make divorce valid for the supreme gift of God cannot be revoked. This is why, now we understand, "a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife." Why is divorce considered evil? Because in marriage both husband and wife commit themselves to each other in good times and bad, in health and illness and in joy and sorrow. Infidelity is a great evil but is forgiven by the spouse against whom it was committed. While divorce is not an option for Catholics who commit to remain in the Church, secular societies have legalized it since the 1970s. But recent studies show the negative effect of divorce on families particularly on their children. They point to children of divorce that fail in their future marriages significantly more than the children of committed marriage. Divorced people tend to have weaker second marriage if they are remarried. In the eyes of the Gospel and the Church remarriage is invalid if the spouse of the valid marriage is still alive. The Church understands the weakness of the human nature. If spouses are unable to continue living together, they are allowed to be separated but they are not allowed to remarry in the Church. To strengthen the life of married couples Marriage Encounter is a week-end program dedicated to bringing together married couples in order to renew their love and communication. Marriage is not a simple contract. Pre-nuptial agreements that are popular in North America today assume that marriage is a legal contract that will not last. For this reason, the spouses agree before marriage as to the individual rights of each of them for his/her own assets if/when their marriage is over. What is missing in these arrangements is trust of each in the fidelity of the other. The Sacramant of Matrimony is blessed by Christ as a sign of love. In the wedding ceremony/Mass, the bridegroom and bride are each asked by the priest to declare his/her own willingness to spend the rest of life with the other in good times and bad, in good health and illness, and in joyful times and sorrowful times. They are partners for life. In rare cases the Church may consider a marriage to be invalid and therefore annulled only if there is enough evidence of certain conditions before marriage including psychological/physical/health inaptitude in one of the two partners or if one of them was married in distress. To investigate such a case the Church tribunal for marriages carries out lengthy investigations. The open character of the Catholic Church is evident in her treatment of on-Catholic marriages. In the eyes of the Catholic Church every first marriage in any religious/cultural context is considered valid although it lacks the sacramental grace of Christ. Thus the marriage of a Catholic who marries a divorced Muslim is invalid. Moreover marriage is about raising new generations in the grace of God. This is why in "mixed marriages" the Catholic partner promises to raise the children in the Catholic moral education. The same partner also promises to try to persuade the non-Catholic partner to become Catholic. It is important that the family be of the same religion and faith, pray together, and resolve any serious problems immediately by councelling the spiritual guide or parish priest. Marriage reflects the Holy Trinity. How? Marriage cannot be broken because it is in the image of the holy Trinity. Marriage unites two in one love body and soul and its fruit is love. This reflects, to our limited understanding the love of the Father to his only begotten Son. The Son returns the Father's love with love. The power that unites the Father and the Son is also Love - It is the Holy Spirit. And the Holy Spirit gives life here on earth and in eternity.

The Family - Part 1

The human family is at the centre of all cultures since the beginning of the homosapien species. This is a natural development of creation. In the animal kingdom the family starts with mating between the male and female. Humans are “developed animals” with a mind and a will. In that sense they are created in the image of God. In ancient texts, the Bible recounts the first family in Genesis with the relationship of Adam and Eve (male and female). “Adam knew Eve” (according to Genesis) did not mean that he knew her name or something about her. The language indicates experience of the other person in a deep relationship. Adam experienced Eve as no one else did emotionally, physically, spiritually and existentially. From their love relationship sprang their children. The children of humans have physical and genetic resemblance to other animals (they share 98% of the DNA with chimpanzees) but they are different in other significant ways. Babies of humans are totally dependent on their parents for survival for many years. Although the human baby comes out from his mother’s womb with a large brain, he cannot walk for at least 6 months. However while other animal babies can walk earlier and climb trees fast, only human babies learn to behave differently with time. This is the result of a different larynx that allows humans to speak and develop their language thus they communicate easier and faster. Moreover humans have the most complex brain in the universe containing 100 billion cells in each child’s brain. You can see that humans are highly complex with minds that not only can think but also can will to do things as they choose. Because humans as young as a few months old can choose, they can say yes or no to their parents. They can also choose to accept or reject to love their siblings (brothers, sisters). This is probably what Augustine called Original Sin. It is that I want myself: my growth: my life even if it is at the cost of killing others. My parents are as important to me as much as I need them. I love them because they loved me first. My siblings are only important if I can get them to do things for me. However I love them too as they resemble in traits much of what my parents had. Cultures developed around the concept of me, my family, and my tribe. The more the tribe grew together the more it became stronger. This is called collaboration. The individual belonged to the family and the family to the tribe (society) and the tribe was headed by the chief or elder of the tribe. Thus civilizations came as a development of tribal interactions, trade, and collaboration. But the fact that collaboration and organization make sense allows humans to learn together and from each other. Schools and universities are only one phenomenon of human learning. This learning starts in the family at a very young age. When children are ready to develop their writing, their parents send them to school. And schools used to be built by churches in the Western world and part of the Middle East until the contemporary secular state took over much of what the Church built. It is a fact that the Church built the first schools and the first universities in Europe and learned from other philosophies particularly Greek. Today then we need to learn from the Church. This is the foundation of the moral law that we as parents transmit to our children. Then we need to send our children to good Catholic/Christian schools where they learn more about their faith. Then we need to encourage our children to come to Church from their early young age using the reward system. This way they will grow up in Church.

A life that appears to have been a failure!

His entire life was in giving. His healings meant to cure people of afflictions. Although he was accused by teachers of the Law that he healed by the power of Satan, his healing drove out demons and brought peace to the healed ones. His teaching was summed up in loving the enemy and praying for the offenders. Yet his life ended on a cross where he died between two thieves. His own disciples left him except for his mother and a few followers. All the crowds who shouted for him as their king cursed him a few days later on the way to the cross. And despite this he forgave them all. If he did not claim to be the Son of God he probably would not have been condemned. How could he be silent when he was to witness to the truth? Suffering to death on a cross was the most horrible way to die invented by the Romans. A life that appears to have been a failure in all human measures. Nevertheless his crown was a glorious Resurrection and Ascension that over centuries brought kings and multitudes to him. Now we know that the Crucified One who failed in the eyes of Man is the One who made his coward disciples conquer the world in his name. Glory be to Jesus the King!

Today's Question: Peace between Palestinians and Israelis

For both Israelis and Palestinians to find a just solution, they must start with good will towards each other. That was Sadat's achievement. He went all the way to the Knesset in Israel in spite of huge opposition in the Arab world. Egypt was expelled from The Arab League. Yet he persevered. Menahem Begin, while considered criminal by many non-Jews, took the opportunity to negotiate an agreement with Egypt. It takes two to tango... Today, thirty one years after the Egyptian-Israeli Agreement, the hawks of Israel and Palestine must first stop violence against each other. This takes courage as there are other players in the Middle East who would benefit from extending the conflict's atmosphere. Fundamentalists on both sides must learn to forgive the past and attempt a reconciliation. This is not easy at all especially for people who were driven out of their land and still suffer in camps. Peace has a cost. Life has a cost. But hope is the only way to go. It may take years to achieve a permanent solution. Perseverance in the hope that those estranged cousins will be able to recognize each other's right to life is the beginning of peace.